What is Gaslighting?

Does your partner make you doubt your own sanity?

Do you know you have said one thing, but later your partner turns it around on you and accuses you of saying something different?

If so, you may be a victim of gaslighting.

As a kid, I used to play red light, green light with my cousins. A start line would be chosen on which we would all line up. A finish line would also be chosen. Then a person would be selected to yell “green light” or “red light”. When green light had been yelled, we would run as fast as we could toward the finish line. However, when we heard red light being yelled, we knew we must come to a screeching halt. We had to stay perfectly still until green light was yelled again, or else we had to return to the start line and begin all over again. The person to make it to the finish line first was the winner.

Gaslighting is not a fun game, but it has a similar affect. The relationship may feel as though everything is fine, and you both are running full steam ahead. But then there is an incident. They accuse you of something you did not say or something you did not do. They twist your words. You take the blame and become the victim. This shows the gas lighter that you can be controlled. You are at a complete stop, scared to move for fear of starting all over again.

Next thing you know, you are back to running. However, this cycle will just continue to repeat itself. This game is never over.

If you are noticing these patterns in the person you are with, it is time to stand your ground and potentially even leave. Document your words and actions. Have others be witnesses that can hold you and your partner accountable. Seek the help you need. Leave and find the freedom you deserve. Life is too short for you to be controlled, manipulated, or played for a fool. End the game. Move on. Claim the win.






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Over 50% of all pregnancies are unplanned, leaving many women feeling alone and uncertain of her future. By providing a safe environment to be heard and supported, Blue Ridge Women’s Center equips women to make an informed decision for her and her family.

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Blue Ridge Women’s Center does not perform or refer for pregnancy terminations (abortion), but is committed to offering accurate information to empower women to make a fully-informed decision. Our services are not intended to be a substitute for routine or emergency medical care. Individuals who believe they are experiencing a medical emergency should call 9-1-1 and seek care from the nearest emergency room.